Confidence in Leadership

Confidence, and particularly confidence when you're a leader. This is what we're going to be talking about today on how to lead the podcast for CEOs and founders and leaders who want to find the perfect balance of empathy and authority. I'm Kate Waterfall Hill, and I'll be sharing some ideas from over 30 years of working in business and leadership development.

Before we start the show, here's a reminder that if you want to learn how to become a better leader, do sign up to my free intentional leadership guide at waterfallhill.co.uk. So let's kick off, as always, with my alter ego, Linda, the bad manager and see what she thinks the definition of confidence actually is.

“What's the difference between confidence and competence? I dunno, really. Um, I always think the people who are confident are pretty competent. Usually the words are quite similar, aren't they? 10 letters and, uh, start the same and end the same? No, not much difference really. No. I usually assume people who are competent are competent, but um, no.

You've said that maybe that's not right. Well, I suppose I got promoted just 'cause I talk a lot, so it worked for me.”

So it appears that Linda doesn't know the difference between competence and confidence and has managed to bluster her way to the top. She doesn't seem to have an issue with confidence although I dare say even she sometimes Googles how to get people to do what I want them to do or how do I know if I'm a good boss at 3am.

Let's talk about something that keeps many leaders awake at night. That nagging feeling that you're not quite ready for the big chair. Or, that you might have started your own business, but you don't really know what you're doing. Today we're diving into the murky waters of leadership confidence, or as I like to call it, the who put me in charge and what were they thinking phenomenon. You might have heard people say, don't worry, confidence will come with time. Well, whilst this is true to some extent, practice makes perfect and we all get better the more we do something,

It's not that helpful to you right now as you face a mutinous team or a senior leadership meeting that makes you feel queasy at the very thought.

So how about some more practical advice to accelerate your growth when it comes to confidence? Let's start by addressing this key issue. Is lack of confidence just a time lag between where you are now and where you want to be?

Well, if that were true, we'd never see seasoned leaders doubting themselves. And trust me, I've coached CEOs with decades of experience who still sometimes feel like they're winging it. You've probably heard the statistics of how many people experience imposter syndrome. The one I saw was in the Harvard Business Review, and it said up to 75 percent of executives report experiencing imposter syndrome at some point in their careers.

That's three out of four leaders feeling like they might be caught out at any moment. It's rather like being convinced you've accidentally walked into the wrong party and everyone's just a bit too polite to say anything. And let's be honest, confidence isn't something that comes naturally to everybody. Some struggle with a lack of faith in their abilities, while others worry about coming across as overly pleased with themselves. Why do some people get called self-assured, and others get called a show off?

Funny how women can sometimes be labelled bossy, when their counterparts might be just called assertive. But here's the thing. Without that confidence, it's hard to be seen as ready for promotion. It's tricky to grow your business or secure investment. It's hard to inspire your team to follow your vision. So let's break this down into what's really going on when we talk about leadership confidence. Firstly, there's a skills gap. Often there's a genuine gap leadership role. After all, being brilliant at marketing doesn't automatically translate into being able to manage a team of marketeers. It's like being an excellent chess player or something like that and suddenly being asked to coach the team.

Completely different skill set. But while skills can be learned, and should be, waiting for complete mastery before feeling confident is like waiting to be completely fireproof before becoming a firefighter. Sometimes you just need to get on and lead while you learn. I've already mentioned imposter syndrome, that delightful little voice that whispers they're going to find out you're making it up as you're going along. But unless you're a complete narcissist, most people think that they're making it up as they go along to some degree. None of us have ever done this exact day before. So whilst we might have some experience and knowledge and skills to lean on, how the world around us is today is different to yesterday and certainly last year or ten years ago. So we have to face what's in front of us and work out how to make the best of it. Because leadership isn't about having all the answers.

It's about having the courage to find them and potentially sometimes asking the right questions. Think about it this way. If you weren't experiencing some self-doubt, wouldn't that actually be a bit more concerning? I mean, have you ever met someone who's absolutely certain they were brilliant at their job and had the answer to everything? Yeah, well, they're often the ones that you want to avoid sitting next to at the office Christmas party.

If I may, I'd love to gently challenge this idea that you have imposter syndrome, because imposter syndrome is that common feeling amongst high achievers, rooted in a survival mechanism and cognitive biases to help us get through, but is your sense of self doubt running at a deep-down sense of identity level across all of your thoughts? Because that's what most people believe imposter syndrome to be.or are your nerves or questions about your abilities more to do with there being a skills or experience gap between where you perceive yourself to be now and where you'd like to be?

Could these nerves just be a signpost to you that you have something to learn or that you need to prepare for something or maybe you just need to have a go at something new and learn from the experience?

If you never have nerves, perhaps you're never pushing yourself. You know, where are you on the sort of healthy nerve spectrum? These nerves might be a signal that you care about what's about to happen. They show that there is a gap that you acknowledge between your experience and maybe your skills and your expectations of yourself.

But are your expectations reasonable?

Are you really doubting that you deserve to be here at all? Or are you worried that you're maybe not as good as so and so who's been doing this job for ten years?

There's often a time factor myth. You know this, it will come with time business. And yes, of course, experience helps. But confidence isn't just a function of time served. I've seen leaders with six months experience showing more authentic confidence than some with six years. Why is that? Because they understand that confidence isn't about certainty.

It's about being comfortable with uncertainty.

Let's talk about some practical approaches that go beyond just wait and see. I've got some powerful reframing ideas and actionable strategies for you. First of all, the competence confidence loop. That Linda alluded to but didn't quite get right. So, start small and build wins. Take on some challenges that stretch you but won't break you.

It's like building a muscle, you know, you need some resistance but you also need recovery time. with each small success you can build both competence and confidence creating that positive feedback loop. there's the acting as if framework. Look, I'm not keen on the um, fake it till you make it adage, but you know, I get the sentiment. There is something to be said for holding yourself in a way which tells your brain you're okay at this.

If you haven't already seen it, I really recommend you researching on YouTube, Amy Cuddy's great TED Talk. She talks about body language and how you can convince your mind that you're more confident than you actually feel. If you haven't already seen it, it's definitely worth a look. It's by Amy Cuddy.

So there's a difference between pretending to be confident and acting with confidence. You could think of it like this. You know, cast your mind back if you've learnt to drive. When you were learning, you just felt really, really nervous. But it didn't mean you stopped and didn't do anything at all. You don't wait until you feel like an expert driver to start driving. You act as a driver would.

You know, you follow the rules and procedures. You study it, you plan it, you get a good guide. A good instructor. And then, gradually, gradually, the feeling of being a good driver follows. Then you've got the feedback reality check. So create an evidence pack, or a success list, or you might want to call it a confidence portfolio. Actual evidence of your capabilities and achievements.

When the nerves kick in, you need facts to fight feelings. So keep emails of praise, documentation of successful projects, and concrete examples of problems you've solved.

It's also really good to have evidence if you should want to ask for a promotion or even go for a new job. Keeping a record is a really great idea. The other thing I love is having a support structure. So building a network of peers, mentors, and trusted advisors who can provide perspective when your own goes a bit wobbly.

Ideally, you can find a mentor above you who will guide you and challenge your thinking, peers who can walk alongside you, and team members who aren't afraid to give you constructive feedback. It would obviously be remiss of me, as a coach, not to suggest that you also find a good coach. It's always a good idea. The next point is the Too Busy Boss Syndrome. Leaders often see their never-ending task list as a badge of honour. I suggest you listen to my Too Busy Boss Syndrome episode of How to Lead if you haven't already.

It's not about how many tasks you complete, it's about the impact you make. Set clear boundaries around low value tasks and focus on what truly moves the needle. You'll start thinking more strategically. And this helps your confidence grow as you take part in more meaningful conversations that focus on what's important, not just what seems urgent.

And the last point here is knowing your boundaries. Learning to set and keep to boundaries isn't just about time management, it's also a leadership sort of superpower. When you confidently decline tasks that don't align with your priorities, you're actually demonstrating strong leadership.

It shows you're clear about your vision and where you're heading. It also means you're more likely to be able to meet expectations and not let people down.

You might have heard about this example of support at work from Satya Nadella. When taking over as Microsoft CEO, he openly admitted to his learning curve and uncertainty. Instead of pretending to have all the answers, he focused on asking the right questions. His authentic approach actually built more confidence, both in his

If you've read Brené Brown's great book, Dare to Lead, you'll know she talks about vulnerability in leadership. It's not about being openly scared or negative with your team when you feel out of your depth. But when things aren't going well, you could try saying things like, This feels scary. We need to pull together.

I recognize that this period is going to be tough and I really value your support. What do you need from me?

Now I've got some more practical implementation tips for you. First of all, the daily confidence practice. Start each day by identifying one leadership action you're certain you can execute well, and then end each day by noting one thing that you handled better than you expected.

Number two is the uncertainty reframe. Instead of thinking, I don't know what I'm doing, try thinking, I'm figuring out what works best, or I don't know how to do this yet. It's not about lowering standards. It's just about acknowledging that you're on a learning journey.

Number three, the skills reality audit. I suggest you create two lists. Skills you know you need to develop, and skills you already possess that are relevant to leadership. You might be surprised by how much transferable experience you actually have. When you've identified the skills you need to develop, go out and find ways to fill those gaps.

Number four, I really urge you to stop seeking external validation. Remember, true confidence comes from within. The more you validate yourself, the less you'll need that constant approval from others. Trust your judgment. You're in this role for a reason. you there because they believed in you, or you had a great idea for a product or service and you made it happen.

That's amazing. If you're finding it hard to be heard in meetings, for instance, try not to preface your contributions with, uh, I just want to add, um, if it's okay with you, or sorry to interrupt.

Try something like, I'd like to contribute my thoughts at this point. just to establish that you want to take the floor right now, and then wait for everybody to pay attention, and then pause, and then speak calmly and slowly.

Build your own sense of progress, as I said in step one, by reflecting each day and writing down your achievements. I started doing this recently, and honestly, it really, really works. And then there's that continuous learning mindset. Knowledge breeds confidence.

There's no doubt about it. Make learning a daily habit, whether it's reading a leadership book, or maybe listening to a brilliant leadership podcast, attending workshops, or simply reflecting on your experiences. the more tools you have in your toolkit, the more confident you'll feel using them. There are loads of other tools and techniques which I cover in my confidence building workshops and during my coaching programmes, but we don't have time for those today I'm afraid. I'm going to leave you with this summary, just remember these key points. Confidence isn't just about time served, although if you try new stuff, you can learn from experience.

Skills gaps are real, but they shouldn't prevent you taking action. Just make sure you take action to fill those gaps. Nerves are normal and can even be helpful. Build evidence-based confidence through small wins. support structures for perspective and focus on progress, not perfection. Transform busy work into meaningful impact. Know yourself and your boundaries and set expectations clearly. Don't expect to get everything right first time. Prioritise your growth. So fail fast, learn fast. Remember, true leadership confidence isn't about never doubting yourself. It's about moving forward despite those doubts. After all, if you're waiting to feel completely ready before you lead, you might well be waiting forever.

If, having listened to this podcast, you still feel like you've got this really deep-down identity level, nagging feeling that you're a fraud, which you think might be imposter syndrome, I do urge you to get some support. It might mean that you need some therapy or you need some coaching support from somebody who's an expert in imposter syndrome. But if, however, you think your confidence is just a nagging sense of you're not quite there yet, then please do try some of the techniques covered in this podcast and let me know how you get on.

But until next time, keep leading with intention. Don't forget that even the most confident looking leaders are sometimes making things up as they go along. If you've enjoyed this episode of how to lead, do follow for more leadership insights. And remember, if you want a guide by your side, I'd encourage you to get your hands on a copy of my book, which accompanies this podcast and is also called how to lead.

If you'd like my personal support, do take a look at my website, waterfallhill.co.uk for more information about my one to one coaching and group coaching programs. There's never been a better time to take your professional development seriously than today.

I'd be delighted if you could like, leave a review and share with your fellow leaders to help spread the word about this podcast. Because team management doesn't have to be frustrating. You too can enjoy being an authoritative yet empathetic leader. It just takes a decision to be more intentional about your interactions with others. Some great tips for how to influence positive change. And of course, a good guide by your side. Until next time, listen more, advise less, lead well.