Active Listening

Active listening is what we're going to be talking about today on How to Lead, the podcast for CEOs, founders, and leaders who want the perfect balance of empathy and authority. My name is Kate Waterfall Hill, and I'll be sharing some ideas from over 30 years of working in business and leadership development.

If you want to be a better leader, don't forget you can sign up to my free intentional leadership guide, or grab a copy of my book, or even sign up to one of my coaching programs at waterfallhill.co.uk So, over to Linda the Bad Manager, and let's see how she approaches listening.

“Oh, hi Janet, you okay? Oh, you look a bit down in the dumps. Oh yeah, bring a cup of tea in here. Come in, come in, sit down, shut the door. Yeah, yeah, let's have a heart to heart. Actually, before you do kick off on your story though, do you mind if I just tell you mine? It's been bothering me for a while, and we've only got a few minutes, so by the time I finish mine we might have to cut you short, but we can come back to you tomorrow, can't we?”

So like Linda, I imagine most of us think we're good listeners. We nod at the right moments, make the appropriate noises of agreement, and might even remember to make eye contact. But we quite often end up interrupting with our own stories and our own anecdotes. True active listening, the kind that really builds trust and transforms relationships, requires something far more challenging.

Genuine humility. Sadly, Linda doesn't have much of that. So let's be honest. Listening properly is hard work. You know, it requires us to set aside our own vanity, push past our own judgements, and create space in our minds for perspectives that might be completely different from our own. And it means resisting the natural urge to just listen to what feels comfortable whilst disputing anything unfamiliar or inconvenient.

Here's what makes this particularly relevant for leaders. If your team doesn't believe you truly listen to them, you won't have their trust. And without trust, you don't have their best work, their innovative ideas, or their loyalty when times get tough.

So how do we move from performing the act of listening to actually listening? We could start with some of the barriers. Those moments when our listening tends to fall apart.

I'd like to encourage you to think about your own thought patterns. When do you tend to stop listening? perhaps it's after about 40 minutes when your concentration naturally dips. Maybe it's when you're challenged or stressed.

For some of us, it might be when we're distracted by how we look on camera during virtual meetings. Yeah, I know, I sometimes catch myself checking out my own video feed instead of focusing on the speaker. I have to admit. The key to improving this isn't beating yourself up about these moments. That only makes it harder to listen.

So instead it's about bringing awareness to those patterns. Noticing them and acknowledging them. And trying to do better by making practical changes to address them. So here are some strategies that you could try.

First of all, set yourself up for success. Find your best listening space. Some people focus better in quiet rooms. Others need a bit of background activity. Remove digital distractions. Turn off the email notifications. Put your phone on silent. And if you know you tend to lose focus, perhaps you could be upfront about it.

You know, I encourage leaders to make an agreement with their team, saying something like, if you notice me glazing over, use a code word to bring me back into the room. Second, pay attention to your physical presence. Your body language needs to match your words. You might say you're not judging, but if your eyebrows doing its own independent commentary, that's what people will believe. Position yourself to maintain comfortable eye contact, whether in person or on screen. being mindful, of course, that the other person might feel uncomfortable with eye contact if they're neurodiverse. So just check that.

Third, and this is crucial, learn to listen without jumping to advice mode. This is particularly challenging for leaders because we're often in roles precisely because we're good at solving problems. However, sometimes the most valuable thing you can do as a leader is to create space for others to find their own solutions and actually keep quiet, but ask good questions, hold space, and let people talk.

When someone's sharing a challenge with you, really try and resist the urge to immediately offer solutions. Instead, try this. Reflect back what you've heard to confirm understanding. So something like, I think what you're saying is this, or it seems to me that this is the feeling that you've got, or, um, I think I'm hearing this.

Ask questions that help them explore their thinking. So open questions like, and what's the impact of that? And what would you like to change? Where is the risk? What are the obstacles as you see them? What would you like to do? And only offer advice as a last resort, and even then, ask permission first.

Would you mind if I share my perspective on this? Something like that. Here's what makes this approach particularly powerful. When you truly listen without judgement, people feel safe enough to share their real thoughts, concerns and ideas. They're so much more likely to bring up potential problems early and suggest innovative solutions and fully engage with their work.

And isn't that what we want as leaders?

This does take time in our fast paced world, it might feel inefficient to listen deeply rather than jumping straight to solutions. But I'd really urge you to consider this. How much time do we waste implementing solutions to problems we haven't really properly understood?

How many opportunities do we miss because we're not really hearing what our teams are telling us? So, I'd like to now talk about what happens when we get this right. When leaders master active listening, several things start to shift in their teams.

Firstly, psychological safety increases. And what I mean by that is people feel that they are going to be genuinely heard rather than judged or immediately advised. They're more likely to speak up about potential issues before they become a serious problem. They're more willing to share innovative ideas, even if those ideas challenge the status quo.

Secondly, decision making often improves because by truly listening to different perspectives, you're gathering loads more information, much richer sources of detail, and you can spot potential pitfalls before they become issues. You also gain insight into how decisions might impact different members of the team and departments.

Thirdly, team engagement inevitably deepens because when people feel heard, they feel valued. And this isn't just about morale. It directly affects retention, productivity, and innovation.

Can you remember a time in your own experience where you worked harder for leaders because you felt truly listened to and valued? So let's consider some specific scenarios where active listening makes a crucial difference.

In one to one meetings, if you start by asking open questions and then genuinely listen to the answers, notice when you're formulating your response instead of focus on what was being said. Pay attention, really, to what's being said. The pauses, the hesitations, the things people almost say but then pull back from.

How often do you miss something because you've jumped in with your own anecdote or your own story or even just a meaningless reply?

In team discussions, really look out for body language and engagement levels. Notice who's not speaking. Create space for their voices. Look for moments when the energy in the room shifts. These often signal important underlying issues.

In a previous episode of How to Lead, I talked about conflict. and active listening is really useful in times of tension. So listen especially carefully when you disagree. This is when most of us tend to stop listening. And start preparing our counter arguments.

But if you pay attention to the emotions behind the words of the other person, you're much more likely to see what's underneath it, and be able to actually have a really constructive discussion rather than thinking about your argument all the time. So focusing on understanding rather than winning.

So, remember, active listening isn't just about the ears. It's about engaging all of your senses with your full attention. Notice the speaker's energy levels, their enthusiasm or lack thereof, their comfort or discomfort with certain topics. These subtle cues often carry as much information as the words themselves.

And a practical tip that I use myself is that if you find yourself in a situation where you're struggling to maintain focus, you might try taking notes, and I don't mean detailed minutes, but key points that catch your attention. This can help anchor your concentration and shows respect for what's being shared.

Just be sure to explain what you're doing. There's nothing worse than somebody wondering if you're checking your emails while they're speaking. I tend to write with a pen and paper rather than typing when somebody's speaking. It seems more respectful somehow.

So, in summary, remember these key points. Notice your own listening patterns and barriers. Create an environment that supports focused attention. Align your body language with your intention to listen. And resist the urge to jump straight to advice. Build trust through genuine judgment free listening.

Holding space for other people is such a powerful tool in your leadership armoury. So true listening isn't just about hearing words. It's about creating an environment where people feel valued, understood, and empowered to contribute their best thinking.

That's all for today's episode of How to Lead. If you've enjoyed the episode, please do follow for more leadership insights. And remember, if you'd like some personal support, do take a look at my website, waterfallhill.co.uk. You can find more information there about my one to one coaching and my Leadership Accelerator program, which is accredited by the Institute of Leadership.

There's never a better time than right now to take a look at professional development for yourself and for your team. I'd be delighted if you could like, leave a review, and share with your fellow leaders to help spread the word about the How to Lead podcast. Because team management doesn't have to be frustrating.

You too can enjoy being an authoritative yet empathetic leader. it just takes a decision to be more intentional about your interactions with others. Some great tips for how to influence positive change, and of course a good guide by your side. Listen more. Advise less and lead well. Thanks for listening.